Hippies, man, with their crummy homemade deodorants and annoying bongos and jam bands with songs that never end (and don’t even get me started on the various hemp products). You know what happens to hippies in The Midnight Void? They get rabies. That’s right, and if you’ve never seen a hippy with rabies, well then that means you’ve never seen…
A buck-naked hippy named Horace Bones stands before his followers and declares: “Satan was an acid-head!” Yep, theses aren’t just regular old hippies, but Satan-worshipping hippies. So they smell bad, they’ll try to sell you hemp bracelets, and they’ll sacrifice you to their dark lord. But let’s be honest, we’d all rather be sacrificed to the devil himself than listen to Phish.
Anyway, these Satanic hippies all stand naked around a campfire — showcasing a wide and diverse array of butts for the camera — while spying on them from the bushes is Sylvia. She’s just an innocent gal from the nearby town of Valley Hills who was invited here by nice guy cultist Andy. Only Andy forgot to get permission, so Horace sends a guy named Rollo after the fleeing Sylvia.
Next time we see Sylvia she’s haggard and bloodied, collapsing out front of Mildred’s Bakery, where her little brother Pete and Mildred herself race outside. They drop her off at her grandpa’s place, then head out to see Mildred’s boyfriend Roger who’s heading up a construction site just outside of town. This results in the two sloppily making out in front of Pete before discussing his sister’s horrifying assault.
Then, wouldn’t you know it, the Satan-loving hippy cultists show up in Valley Hills, which they see as the kind of place where “the fuzz won’t be breathing down our necks.” They pose as a “rock music group,” and take up residence in an abandoned, rat-infested flophouse. And like you do when you take up residence in an abandoned, rat-infested flophouse, they have themselves a rat hunt, where the winner gets to be Supreme Leader of SADOS for one night.
Rollo rounds up the most rats, so as their leader-for-a-night he commands an old lady to slice open the bottoms of a man’s feet, and dangle him from the rafters so that sweet, sweet foot-blood can rain down on them all (not judging!). Meanwhile, Sylvia awakens from her shock-induced state, and tells Grandpa all about the Satanists. So he loads up a double-barrel shotgun, and heads on over to the flophouse — interrupting the foot ritual.
Being that he’s old and feeble, the shotgun is immediately yanked from his hands, and a female cultist pins ol’ gramps down, licks his face, and force-feeds him LSD. Sounds great, right? Wrong. Next thing you know he’s having a bad trip at his dining room table, and holding the salt and pepper shakers to his head like a pair of devil horns.
Obviously, this calls for revenge, so little Pete shoots a rabid dog, extracts a vial of its infected blood, injects it into Mildred’s meat pies, and sells them to the Satanists. And before you can ask, yes, Pete wore gloves.
From there we learn that it’s not a great idea to give acid-loving hippy Satanists rabies. They tend to get a little murdery. Also, one of them has sex with a group of construction workers, and gives them a kind of rabies STD. So then you’ve got a legion of rabid, horny, machete-wielding construction workers running into town, foaming at the mouth, chopping off heads. The usual.
Probably not what Pete originally had in mind.
Blood is never drunk, but faces are shotgunned off, rabies-infected cultists have an axe vs sabre duel, a garden hose is weaponized, and a man in long johns desperately tries to protect a boa constrictor at the local snake farm. All set to a trance-inducing acid-rock meets Gilligan’s Island soundtrack — which could also describe the tone of the film.
So throw this one on and watch the room clear. But hey, you don’t want to know those people anyway, do you? Not when you’ve got all of us, out here in the Midnight Void. Where the cinematic sleaze never stops, where you can drink all the blood you want, and there’s always enough LSD and rabies to go around. Satan was an acid-head, Satan was an acid-head indeed.